The infamous Psycho Mall Walker gets Powerhoused courtesy of Raymond Scott :)

Chef Ramsay breaks it down Hammer style :)

A remix video featuring multiple cartoon characters to a beat from the Eurythmics.

A remix video showcasing the family from "7th Heaven" going through quite the fiasco when pops finds a joint by the front door.

A remix video using only sounds & footage from "The Three Caballeros" an animated 1944 film produced by Walt Disney.

A remix video using sounds & footage completely from "Fantastic Planet" an animated 1973 science fiction film directed by Rene Laloux.

I probably haven't said these things very much recently, but it's still how I feel so it should be written down. So while I am still gaining self confidence...hiding my feelings otherwise is not the best way to go.



--------------------------

Our Friendship

Sunshine and fragrance in the air,
Your sensual qualities just can not compare.
Creative, funny, and oh so smart,
These things about you are my favorite part.

So while I probably don't say this enough,
Just being friends with you is still very tough.
We never know what the future will bring,
And knowing this is like a poisonous sting.

Hold onto your confidence with whatever you do,
Or else I'm afraid you'll be down and blue.
And if you just happen to feel like Peter Pan,
I love how you used to take me to Neverland.

Please don't forget about me and I nor you,
Someday we might realize our love is very true.
So I am unsure of how our hearts will mend,
But one thing I know is that you're my best friend.

--------------------------

I do not exactly know why I write such simple poems a 5th grader could make. I just know it keeps me content in the moment right now.

Current Motto: "Good Karma is on my side!"

-----------------------------------------------

Past, Present, and Future

Spread your wings, it's time to fly away.
There's no better chance of such a great day.
Self reflection and self trust.
Believing in yourself is an absolute must.

Time has brought the good and bad.
Do not forget the experiences you had.
Memories will always last forever.
Don't turn back now and never say never.

What I have now will only be mine.
Oh I can't wait to let myself shine.
I feel a change coming like the Spring season.
Life and Love start again with great reason.

I do not know why I was waiting so long.
Continuing any further would have just been wrong.
Treading my way along a new path.
Not before washing away bad thoughts in a bath.

I've set my sights high as far as the sky.
All I must do is go out there and fly.
And when that reward surpasses imagination.
I will embrace the feelings of great sensation.

-----------------------------------------------

Candy is dandy,
But liquor is quicker.
Hi my names Andy,
And I'm quite the picker.

I've had this permanent smile ever since Saturday when I started up my future car. It's an '83 Camaro Z28 with 5.0 V8...if you're a guy and you have no clue what that size engine sounds like at 5,000 RPM then your little pea balls will "un-drop" back up from whence they came. Girls who just understood me are cooool in my book. Having a car of my own again will allow me the freedom to go wherever I want...I'm excited to go make new friends and I'm sure I'll get noticed with this car :D

Lately I've been feeling good about myself. I regularly smoke nasty cigarettes again but with each drag I imagine brushing off the things around me that would have bothered me in the past. This has helped me move towards a new mindset I want for myself that includes plenty of confidence and a positive outlook for my life. When I reach that goal...I'll try quitting cigarettes again. Some of the things that caused me anxiety just seem so insignificant and pointless which shows that my "Just let it go" thinking is the correct path for me.

I always have a great day at work now and talk to a variety of people and they smile when they see me. And tonight I'm most likely hitting up the Brown Derby with an ex-employee to play a couple games of pool. Which reminds me, last night I kicked ass against a very good friend of mine who is usually better then me. Final outcome ended up being 6 games to his 5, but at one point I was 3 or 4 games ahead. Good times :)

My entries recently have always had some kind of poem or something to that effect. Since I'm in good spirits, maybe I should try writing something with a happier tone. That'll have to wait though because it's almost lunch time so I'll probably edit one in later.

"Just let it go"

The person explaining that to me last night was completely trashed. It was quite hilarious actually.

I'm in my bleak cubicle right now but I figured I'd write some random this and that's before I come back reality. It's really just to amuse me...nothing more, nothing less.

~Five Finger Discount~

Truth.
You see it coming,
You think it's there.
Why do you bother,
When you really don't care.

Awake.
Do you feel it?
I think I can.
Don't push it away,
That's Deaths plan.

Trust.
It's a funny thing,
Everybody wants some.
But lose it,
And you feel dumb.

Sleep.
Eternal slumber,
That's a catchy phrase.
It makes me wonder,
Why cows really graze.

Drink.
Have too much,
You're called a bum.
None at all?
That's no fun.

Money.
Where'd mine go?
It's already gone.
One things for sure,
I love that song.

Annoy.
This guy behind me,
He drives me insane.
Please stop talking,
It hurts my brain.

Proud.
Who gets the trophy,
It's all mine baby.
A smile on my face,
Just don't hate me.

You gave me love, hate, carefree, jealousy, sense of belonging, loneliness, happyness, sadness, hope, distrust, experience, discontent, amorousness, disgust, touched, uncomfortableness, silly, stressed, optimism, pessimism, friendship, and fear.

Fate Of A Mime

Which of these I still feel is unknown,
They come and go like my sense of home.
Fear, Hope, and Distrust,
Sort of like my sad lust.
Where to go I don't know,
Similar to a river's flow.

How do I choose which way is right?
My heart, gut, and brain do fight.
Love, Hate, or Jealousy,
Changing my soul's vacancy.
Fate is a funny thing,
I never know what it will bring.

But tomorrow is another day,
Just for now I will stay.
Silly, stressed, and discontent,
I'm learning now how to truely vent.
Rape my feelings one more time,
Then to you I'm just a heartless mime.

I only slept about 3.5 hours last night but the lack of sleep was worth it. I had a good talk with a friend of mine and I think getting an outside opinion was something I needed. It felt good to get through and I guess my self confidence has risen again. I'm still unsure of where I'm headed in life but when you think about...when ever ARE you sure? I suppose knowing where I'm going would be a lot less exciting or mysterious.

There's a couple days in the very near future I am highly looking forward to. And even though it's still February, I can feel spring time approaching yet again. It's my favorite season and with it comes a new beginning for life. To be quite honest, this current winter season has been pretty sucky so far. Not all bad, but definitely...sucky.

Either way, I have a huge amount of hope for spring time this year. I feel as though a couple of things are already changing for the better in my life. My job life has been steadily improving for a couple weeks now...I am finally getting a car again...I will soon have another source of income...I have been feeling more and more self-respect for who I am...etc, etc, etc.

Panda wrote me a song. It's very expressive and I thank you for it. I am a bit jealous and wish I could write my feelings like that while sounding like a hit song. You know you got talent so please don't forget that, okay?

Good data, on time, everytime...ZzZzZzZz

I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure how to feel. I'm not sure of anything...

I only have myself to look for guidance. I don't know where I am or how to get out. I need somebody to talk to but there's nobody out there to listen.

I don't know how to act...or how to react in this situation.

I hope I get through this. I hope I am a better person because of it. I have hope for somebody else as well, but I don't know how to express that.

How did I end up like this? Where did I go wrong? Do I listen to what my head is telling me? What about my heart? Or is the gut feeling the right path to choose?

I'm so confused. I feel like I've died and was reborn 10 times over. I don't know who I've become.

Do I have a home? Where do I go? Where has my confidence gone? I just had it a second ago...

My face feels hot and flustered. I think people are looking at me funny.

I need to talk to somebody. In person. Who?

The shades have been opened. It looks so nice out there...I want to go, somewhere, but I'm not sure where.

Damn it, Pink Floyd is always there for me and knows exactly how I feel:

Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

Hello.
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear you’re feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re sayin’.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can’t explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Ok.
Just a little pinprick. [ping]
There’ll be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe it’s working. good.
That’ll keep you going for the show.
Come on it’s time to go.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re sayin’.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

"Abba Zabba...you my only friend."

I bet if I wasn't such a pushover I'd be a much better person. I give give give yet it seems I don't receive the same amount back. It's draining and I must be losing something somewhere in myself, but I'm not sure what. Perhaps it's my sanity? My wants and needs seem to never be paramount in any situation. I suppose it's all my fault though. I shouldn't let these things happen. I need to put myself first and foremost...even if it ends up hurting somebody else.

Being a pushover lets people walk all over me. When I just can't take it anymore I get bitter towards those people. They don't understand my bitterness...and neither do I at the time. This leads to me feeling like I did something wrong and having the need to apologize for my actions when in a really weird twisted way I was actually standing up for myself, but doing it the wrong way, and when you stand up for yourself you should never apologize. But I always do and it becomes a never ending cycle.

Lately though I have been trying to learn how to put myself first. It's weird and I feel mean sometimes, but it's necessary and good for me.

I'm trying.